Wednesday, July 07, 2010
After 5 months... blog seems dead and forsaken.
Forgotten and cast aside.
It took me a lot of courage before I could write this post.
I can't understand why. I just do not feel like facing my feelings.
Pressure under attachment ... the unspoken stress....
I realize as we grow older we seems to drift apart more from our families and more towards our friends.
Now, under attachment it seems like there is even less true friends or people whom you can share your feelings with.
Undeniable, the loneliness is always present.
Nonetheless, I had posted some pictures (above) taken during my stay at DBS so far.
Does happy ending exist???
The story.......
The UNSPOKEN #1
There she was... stuck in a dilemma. She could only gaze at him from afar.
Though their hearts met but they were not meant to be.
After searching for what seems so long with the many years of waiting for Mr. Right
SHE found HIM.
The ONE.
Sense of humour that can make her laugh.
Gentlemanliness that she was searching for.
Met all the attributes that she looked for.
Characters click
Hobbies match
only that... HE was 16 years older...
He might not be perfect. But that doesn't matter to her.
What she found most valuable is that they can click intellectually.
Soon after they met... their hearts linked.
For what seems that could lead to the ideal marriage she had been waiting, for the past 10 years... it was like a dream that came true for her.
Her hard work paid off.
But that was only what she thought.
Never did she expect what reality had in-store for her....
it ended @ 10:55 PM
I will be waiting
Monday, February 15, 2010
Maybe it was a mistake right from the start. Is it?
Typed a whole lot just to delete it all. Don't want to make it such that I am trying to announce it to the world. Now i just dunno how to face you. It has become a problem that is bugging me at one of the crucial time. Your friend really knows how to choose time to sms.
Not trying to say it was his fault.He just made it such that I dunno how to face you and that from now things will never be the same.
and to lose you as a very good friend even.
Is that going to be the ending?
it ended @ 9:22 PM
I will be waiting
Monday, February 08, 2010
It'a hard, it's tiring, it's time consuming and it's dark.
Can you feel my fear?
Out of a sudden I i felt afraid. This kind of emptiness and with no one companion fears me.
Psychology is really SHIT! Not becoz of the module but becoz it ate into my study week.
Class in Thurs. 1-5. Can you imagine that!
ALL my notes have yet to be written and here I am rushing for the project and presentation, wasting my time.
SO MUCH MORE TO DO!!!! :(
Lagged behind alot and wasted too much time.
besides that, exam period always bring me pimples :( with the stress.
Addicted on shopping too heh. Wasted way too much than original budget.
HIAS. I need ice cream now :(
But at this hour... forget it.
Mac hotcakes tml. Shall anticpate :)
Just yet to find the cover of the seashell.
it ended @ 1:50 AM
I will be waiting
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
IT BURN-ed A HOLE IN MY POCKET:(
Projects and Projects. There seem to be no end to it.
Ended BCOMM @ 1pm headed down to raffles link to get the box for CFAS @ 2pm.
The jam was irritating and when we finally found it and got to the printing shop, it was already 4.40pm sharp.
Saw kelvin's group there.
Total was like $150 inclusive of everything [ box, manual... ] :(
Lucky we ask for discount :P . The cards originally cost $91 and we paid $63 for it i think.
I forked out $30 bucks, shun hiang $20 and GY $15 for items at Prints.
First time I saw a wrapping paper that cost $4.30 :x
When we finished everything, we went to meet Shun hiang friend to do fliming for SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY.
Bcomm next assigment totally !!!!! :(
E PORTFOLIO.
Social psychology presentation on thurs
Bcomm executive summary on friday
CFAS presentaion on next monday
Bcomm presentation on next tue/wed
and NO TIME FOR MY NOTES LIAO :(
can i have more time? or should i just stop daydreaming so much?
it ended @ 12:21 AM
I will be waiting
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
It's amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
- Harry S. Truman 33rd US president
My table topic yesterday. It seems like god is trying to tell me smth, wants me to understand certain things.
But it's too hard. I'm really tired. REALLY i mean it.
Independent. A stand-alone figure.
Really feel like collasping.
Don't feel like putting on that mask.
Don't feel like acting strong in front of others, to act like i can.
Don't feel like acting happy and all smiley when its so depressing, infuriating and tiring inside.
Don't feel like lying to say I can do it.
Don't feel like being nice.
But i just can't do it all.
Sometimes it's not a matter of who gets the credit... its just simply no effort was given.
Just waiting for others to do everything
received a call from Ms. Michelle Lim.
Meeting on FRIDAY. JUST GREAT huh.
I don't feel like going thru all the troubles. ALL THE EXTRA TROUBLES that others don't get.
Why?
It seems like life is always full of obstacles and just too many as compared to others and especially in meeting all kinds of werid ppl.
Maybe I just don't have the fate to meet nice people.
Don't want to be pessimistic but i just cant help feeling that way.
It's all bloated and contained in me.
Nowhere to vent it out. Too much to say.
At times it doesnt matter how much you do, if you know others care.
A word of thanks for recognition.
A word of concern to see how is the work coming along.
Coz when you know at least someone cares and knows that you really put in that effort... then no matter how much you have done... how late you stayed up till... how long you spent on it... itwould not matter any more because you're recognized.
and now i wonder.. how did i even end up here.
here at where I am now. in this situation.
it ended @ 9:15 PM
I will be waiting
Monday, January 18, 2010
Was it just me?
Or am i being over paranoid?
It's really hurting. I cant feel the warmth. Maybe I am just too irritated with sch work and all the stress.
I know i was being mean to say those things but the truth is you just don't understand the REAL me. At least that's how i believe it. coz i cant feel it.
Sorry. to myself to everyone.
My mood is definitely getting worse.
It's hard when no one understands you deep down and you get misunderstood,
but its even harder when you have to put up a strong front and a facade.
it ended @ 4:55 PM
I will be waiting
SPent my weekend over at my aunt hse. REALLY LOVE IT.
The place where i was pampered, place of my own... can emo ... can slp anytime and a place to get away from almost everything.
Reposting last wed post.
No personal grudes.. just to erm... make my blog ehhh more 'shun yan'??? hahs
=X hmmm . with the help of ehhh.... the photos are developed. Some are removed.
13th JAN '09
JUst reached home a moment ago. Stayed till OUR SPACE closes.
CM -.- HIAS. It's killing me with all that work load.
I was blithely going crazy. I did peek-a-boo randomly to guanyu during project.
I did all sorts of stupid rubbish, silly actions. HAHAHS
But coz of that and thanks to me. These photos were developed.
Hahahs. That's it. I stutter during Bcomm Table topic presentation.
SHIT la. I know i shouldn't, but i dunno why.
Hope it would be better next tues.
Anyway cant deny her english is good but her actions are really hilarious.
Finally i knew the underlaying story. WHY SHE DIDN LIKE HER.
hmmm what can i say?
just stop being so serious. sometimes it might piss ppl off you know:)
your laughter is ringing in my head.
& I dunno why.
it ended @ 11:15 AM
I will be waiting
Friday, January 15, 2010
When you can't scream, can't shout, can't scold, you can only break down and cry.
Some times i just wonder if i am too easy to be bullied. Am i being too helpful? Trying to act cool?
Trying to do everything by myself?
Projects just blew my whole mood off today. was suppose to meet yvonne @ 7pm then go over to aunt hse in the night. But with the situation i was in... i could just spoil her day too.
TODAY WAS TOTALLY A SHIT DAY.
dun feel like elaborating.
Reached home @ 4pm. didn really talk to my parents due to the mood i was in.
I know they meant well but there was some slight friction and i went stright to sleep.
Mood swings, projects, sch life... its messing me up.
It just get so tiring yet no where to go to.. no one to lean on and no one understands.
what you can do is cry.
Really feel like going for a endless run. Tire myself out.
This lonely route seems to take forever to reach the ending and as it gets going... it just gets tougher.
it ended @ 10:57 PM
I will be waiting
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
POST DELETED
it ended @ 10:48 PM
I will be waiting
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
SUPER tired. Just finished dinner. WAITING TIME FOR BUS IS LIKE UBER LONGggggg.
154 was full. Then 52 doesn't come:( till the 2nd 154 came. I alrdy waited for 25 mins:(
Stared at the com trying to come up with the spread sheet the whole of ytd night and the co. is SUPER power. All their info is jumbled up. I wonder who the auditors are.
Finally finish the ratios and the spread sheet and this is not my work. I am like doing X2. But owells:) I'm nice. hee.
Okays this para is for her? about her? She reads my blog. Does she?
Okays. She's not that bad. Quite a nice gal i would say. (Just took me and GY to realise today)
IF only she's not so irritating. Maybe that word is too harsh but i cant find any substitude coz it just doesn't fit then.
It's like:
me: did you do qn__?
she: coz i .... you know i tried...
me: no... i just want to know yes or no.
she: but you see. coz i.....
me: okays! so where's that half? or portion???
she: cuz you see....
Totally not answering the qn. I am not trying to be mean or what. Just want to know if she had done it. If no its alright. coz i just want to see what are the possible ans.
But the way you ans gets ON MY NERVE. :(
Not just me. Guan yu too.. hahas.
But oh wells. you are quite nice in terms of character?. Maybe? or was it just today??? It just took a LONGER time for us to start realizing.
QUit that habit ? just a suggestion :)
Anyway.. tml is my turn for table topic. VERY WORRIED.afraid that all the "erms" and "arrr" will come out.
some of the topics today are rather difficult and it really worries me.
WHAT IF I STUNN THERE? WHAT IF I KEEP REPEATING?
and my bad habit of WHAT IFs start to surface again :(
Will leave CM for tml. dun wish to interrupt my mood with the CM project.
Pray hard for tml.
Till then... i believe.
it ended @ 9:17 PM
I will be waiting
