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Saturday, May 10, 2008

A korean song... it tells my feelings..

Why am i in this state
To you we're not compatible
Why can't i control myself
You won't like me like that....
You made me sad
But i can't bring myself to hate you
for my desire for you...
Is it really ok??
Cann i ignore evything??
I don't want this to be one-sided
So i pretended to laugh happily
You made me sadd
Yet i can't bring myself to hate you
for my desire for you...
But smth tht won't happen no matter what
is that i can't live in your world
Can't live in a world without you
If it's an illusion
i won't hurt so much
I'm really in pain
I'm really in pain
What are you still hoping for?
He won't come looking for you..
Can't live in a world without you..

I was chatting with a friend of mine... he's got some prob with his gf ... while i got some prob with the one i like... it's like when ever i feel like giving it upp there's a glimpse of hope tht made me cling on... i shared my prob with him.. he's like brother of mine... giving me advice and guiding me...he mention tht his gf seems tu be distant frm him... and aask why... i said i dunno... coz for me... the only reason i will distant myself away from my bf is tht i dun feel comfortable or secured with him yet... but for me ... i rather like my relationship tu be one tht i feel protected... and vry close tu my bf... i wuld prefer tu be the one who say goodnite at the end of the day and recieiving a return goodnite msg from my bf tu end off the day's coversation... ya i know i am selfish tu have this kinda thinking... tu find someone who love me more than i do...tu care so much for me.. and place me first in almost evrything..(depending la) =X... i know its selfish ... but i cant help it... i am those tht would like tu be cared for and ya.. protected.. want a relationship whereby my bf is vry uptighht or would i say vry concern abt me... not those like a call or two in 3 days... or just a few sms per day... i think how a person wants a relationship to go is very different for evryone... i once thought to myself... am i able tu give him upp? will i die if i let him go? so what if he's mine now?
i think if i were tu do all the asking and all for this relationship.. even if we get tgt i wuld feel weird.. maybe at first.. ? or throughout? coz i will always wonder... has he accepted me becoz he really likes me? or was it for other reason? tht's the reason for me tu stop here and wait for his move... coz i want the feeling tht he really wants me coz he love me...tu do smth tht make me feel tht he really wants me... and not just a one-sided love... letting him go isnt easy and wasnt smth i can control... ask my heart if u wann knoe why...coz even i myself dunno...
that friend of mine also told me tu consider carefully b4 falling deeper... i wonder if religion affects a relationship???? i once asked " him" and "he" told me no.. he dun think so.....
sometimes i think whether did i interpret his msg properly...or did he type wrongly...
his actions is like 忽冷忽热... sometimes he's so close and nice tu me.. sometimes its like so 'cold' as in like even thou both of us on msn vry long also nv chat ... i was waiting for him tu start talking tu me... butt at first he didn... but due tu his internet connection.. his mutiple signing in gave me a chnace tu start off a qns... but sm times i wuld jus ignore... coz i dun wan tu be irritating.. slowly he did start tu talk tu me... he said i could chat with him anytime if i wan... so isnt it 忽冷忽热??? hahas i dunno.. butt i am a vry sensitive gal... can be strong on the outside,bold,high, optimistic and craze at times... butt at times i really hope tu lean on someone, tu hav pillar of support frm inside,and i can be vry quiet,pesstimistic and very shy. It just depend on the ppl ard me and the mood ... my mood and feelings and subjective tu the ppl ard me...
ok back tu the topic... i think it will onli not affect if both parties are not sososo into their religion ... or like they dun cross over the line by FORCING the other party tu join his/her religion....
i asked my friend ... he say he and his gf have no prob coz... he's a freethinker( he goes tu church) whereas his gf is ok with anything... he say he's willing tu even to follow his gf religion .. as long as he can be tgt with her ... - wah...O.0
somtimes i see couple tht one is indian... one is chinese... they hav diff religion.. diff race... and they can overcome tht prob... whao... really ... praises for them... i think as long as in a relationship both parties respect each orther religion and dun cross over the line and each tu give in a bit here and there... things will be fine... rite?

nowadays i am getting a bit craze... the way i see others sms... their phone keep ringing.. was wondering... why doesn't my phone ring? why doesn it virbrate(sms)???
who am i waiting tu call me??? who am i expecting tu sms me.???? it all amounts to one person ... and its "him" ...

hahas waiting for something tht doesn't seem tu happen is as good as living in my own world.. my fantasy world... butt isnt fantasy world suppose tu be smth beautiful???
( omg i posted 3 blog post in less than 6 hours or so.... ) nities evryone..

it ended @ 2:58 AM

I will be waiting