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Saturday, June 21, 2008

People always say : 幸福是要自己争取的。I tried ... and had given up halfway when i thought all was over..It was only a one-sided love... But he. He gave me tht tiny bit of hope.. and due to tht tiny ray of hope... I tried again... Despite all the giving-up my friend urge me to,tht he is toying with me... isn't worthy of my love, thinking, time, effort and tears... -i didn't.

I was wondering when i looked back at the sms he sent.. wondering if he meant what he said in those msg...Why so caring in the past and now so..cold...It seems like things changed after he came back from his m'sia trip... Although i'm in no pisition to expect morning and nites msg.. But... Yah .. just felt good when i receive them frm him. In the past when we're not tht close.. I'd wait the whole day for him to start to msg me...Having my phone all along with me. I dunno how he felt at tht time... But when i can't take it anymore.. i sms him, n i asked y he didn msg me. He said he was expecting my msg first..I've always wondered.. if i didn sms him n the first place.. Would he sms me first? And my qns was answered by his actions ... Soon i received morning msg-es.. i felt so good and happy...-so remembered. And when i didn sms .. he wuld send a sms to me with a sad face.. and when i asked why.. he said coz i didn sms... Things went on okay.. And yah... B4 he left for his trip.. We went out for movie n took a pic tgt and hugged. Yea. To him .. does tht consider as just a good-bye hugg? He told me he'll think thru.. Think thru what? - i'm stil puzzled... On the 1st and 2nd day .. He msged me although he was in m'sia.. Asked me not to worry and will sms me at least once per day... Howeva on the 3rd day... i waited and waited... i smsed him instead...no reply... on the fourth day ... i waited in vain again.. Until he reached s'pore at nite then he replied me.. At tht moment all my anger and worriedness vanished. Eva since... if i didn sms him.. he wun sms me... Even if i did... he will stop replying me at a certain sms..... The urge to sms ... the feeling of missing him.. caused me really much pain and hurt...

Friends told me to give up. -Its just a one-sided love ( those who dunno tht much wuld say ).
-He's just toying with u larh ( my closer friends opinion). And i tried to give up. I told myself to stop msging him. Stop all msning. So even if i see him online.. I wun start a convo w him. But he's stil on my mind.. SO i culd do is to stare at his contact... into the space.. and the screen..
Until the 2nd day when i didn sms nor msn him.. He msn me. He CAPS my name n called me 'dao'(act).. for not talking to him... Is this his way of trying to start a convo w him w/o making it awkward? ANd becoz of tht i was unable to let go once again... Yea i smsed him.. he reply and after a few msges.. he didn animore.. Wheneva somone call... i hope its from him..although i noe the fact tht he'll nv call me to chat .. I wanted so much to tell him how i felt... And i so much wanted to noe what am i to him.. Why the sudden change ? Waht happen and how does he feel towards me.. is he aware of how i'm feeling?
... Todae.. i received a mrning msg.. coz ytd nite i send him a gd nite msg which he onli saw it this morning. We chat and yah.. continued smsing untill we came to this topic of bubble tea.. The oreo crush i tried tht day at clementi taste yucky. So he mention tht his hse bubble tes was nice a few times to me. And he told me again todae.. i said he sae he'll bring me to drink.. but he didn reply le... In the past when he ask me to go over his hse there drink i always refused.. Now when i'm able to go and try ...It wasn't the same animore..

A close friend told me... Either: " He likes you but is very bad at expressing himself and had expressed himself in a wrong way.. and not sure if u stil like him and not sure if u can be his.thus resulting in his actions nw.U might be in his heart but he's afraid tht if he goes army u might be left alone and dun wan to waste yr time." OR: " He's toying with yr feelings. He likes the way he's getting attention and thus goes out with you until he realised u fall too deep for him and he does not want to have anything to do with u now thus resulting in his actions now." .

I always hope it's the 'Either' but i dunno what's going on in his mind and reality tells me to stop dreaming. Friends ask me " how well do i noe him? how sure are u what type of person he is? guys usually say sweet things for tht moment only." . Is tht true? I dun think all guys are liddat bah... And i hope he isnt one too.. Howeva i think i really have to face up to reality... I so much wanted to ask if he likes me now.. But so waht if i get an ans... will tht help? will tht change anything? He mention tht 'he will think it thru during his trip' ... does tht mean tht he thought it over and felt tht maybe we'll better off be friends? He mention on the day b4 he left for m'sia tht " when will i nxt see u? on wed? no. on thurs." me:"we'll see". I reserved thurs for him.. not mentioning anything coz i guess he'll be tired. Howeva he went for his activity and had fun while i missed him. Yea i was angry, but i guess i'm more hurt than angry.. He's a really busy guy and yah.. so much activities.. Sometimes i wonder.. If u'd a gf .. wuld u bring her along with u ??
Actually i'd given thought as to whether i shuld continue liking him in the past when i hadn'd fall tht deep for him.. the moment i set my mind to it.. I was prepared tht if we were to be tgt i noe it wuld not be a love romance.. coz he's not like other guys.. He's more shy.. his thinking is tht guys need not take all intiative...after giving some tot to it.. i agree to part of it... I 'm also prepared tht he wun be like my ex and guys who wuld take the intiative to call me to chat.. fetch me home after sch and call back after a quarrel and be giving in to me all the time... Coz i've learnt n agree tht for a r/s to work.. it cant be one party giving in All the time... But no matter how much tot i'd given it.. It wasn't of any use... Maybe ... one day it will be of use to me in my love life... MAybe...

But i think it doesn't matters anymore now... I 'll let nature take it course... I believe love will find a way... yes thou it'll stil hurt.. But i guess.. haha yah.
I dun wan him throu forcing.. Both parties will not be happi.. If he loves me... I think.. i'll wait..
I'll wait for my Mr.Right .. someone i love ... to say 'i love you' truthfully to my ears.. Be it how long i'll still wait. =)

it ended @ 11:32 PM

I will be waiting