<body scroll="no">

Monday, June 23, 2008

Seriously, everything is more than i can take. Sometimes i just feel like shouting!. I dun wan to be the pillar of strength for others! I dun wan to fake a smile in front of my friends & family! I dun wan to act as if i'm alrite and to bring joy to others! I dun wan ! dun wan ! dun wan!.

But tht doesn't seems like me. Isn't the ME animore if i were to be liddat. One of my bez friend broke up with her bf.. i was one of her source of support... Tried to cheer her up.. talk to her... They were tgt for 2 yrs.. and within 6 days he got a new gf... I was the only one who gave XXX(my bez friend) a different piece of opinion among all her friends. I told her... moz guys R born to be liddat... Cant blame. Gals i think likewise- for some. SHe asked me.. If he were to ask her for patch a few weeks ltr.. what shuld she do? i told her tht if she stil love him.. maybe she could give him a second chance? everybody deserve a second chance. -provided tht she stil love him.. dun wan her to regret..it's her happiness afterall..XXX bf told her tht he stil love her yet he got a neww gf n also love tht new gf. XXX is in pain. I can see.. Yea. But! she's a strong gal. If not becoz he got a gf within such short time... she wuld have gotten over him... Looking back at myself... How long hv i been sadd over "him" ? ..='(

I really feel so rtired somtimes. few days back .. one of my god-bro called me.. we chatted... he wanted me to intro some friends... I help him.. tot the rest wuld be up to him... BUt he asked to to help this and tht. ... today he ask if i culd get their pics or wad.. I tried to get from them... yah. I tried my bez... But i'm struggling inside actually... I'm so so sad. so hurt yet i'm trying to help others find their happiness... i wonder... am i obliged ? I search for an ans and couldn get one... Phone is of not much a use to me... except pw and friends msges.. if not the other calls n all i'm not interested. yea . so bad rite. sometimes i feel tht i'm just not in the mood to entertain them. I wonder why liddat... It's like morning i'm stil okay.. then late afternoon... the emo-ing comes... listening to chinese songs make me more emo.. yet the lyrics are so .. so true?

I was okay in the morning... I tot i've gotteen over him.. even if like.. It wun hurt so much.. Coz for the past few days i'm able to stop the urge of msg-ing him. Miss-ing to be kept in my heart only...until..i saw him today... I finished my lunch & was drinking apple,orange carrot!.. when i saw him walking past .. I immediately looked another way... coz i dun wan to feel more hurt looking at him? dun wan the memories to flow back? wanted to avoid? dunno how to react? dun wan a teary-eye? ..... i dunno. Moreover XXX is vry sadd le... she needs me to cheer her up... So i've to act strong, and there's no time for me to emo.. blaw & lms pw meeting clashed todae.. I rushed frm one to the other. and tml i've blaw & dss pw meeting. Wed i got lms meeting agin.- going to kj hse at bishan=.= ... tnl stil have poa quiz.. and there's a whole load of tutorials and things to be done. ... haiz..

I walked home alone.. tot some walking'll do me good... it doesn't seem to be tht case..=.= .. Dad and mom tgt with both my bro going to vivo todae.. to renew my bro line.. and get a new phone with tht $100 voucher. I didn go. so many things to be completed. =( and it's not me getting a new phone... then my dad notice i was unhappy... asked me why... took my phone to see & saw the esplanade nite view pic.. my mom say go there ltr walk walk... ask me go... i say no. at tht pt in time .. my heart really hurts...I'm still circling ard tht issue... I.myself. is the greastest obstacle. I want to ask. to ask 'U'! : "why the sudden change? does wadeva u say in the past mean anything? why the past! why now..."... for so long.. i stil cant bring it out. Even if i did... i dun think he'll reply/ ans. - weird qns?

it ended @ 7:40 PM

I will be waiting